Mismatched Sexual Desires

Sexuality is a complex interplay of multiple facets, including anatomical, physiological, psychological, developmental, cultural, and relational factors. These contribute to an individual’s sexuality in varying degrees at any point in time as well as developing and changing throughout the life cycle. In addition to the multiple factors involved in sexuality, there is the added complexity of the corresponding sexuality of the partner. The expression of a person’s sexuality is intimately related to his or her partner’s sexuality (Montgomery, 2008 pp. 50-51),

Mismatched sexual desires can be distressful for the couple as well as the individual as it can lead to feelings of rejection, guilt, and frustration. Janet Brito suggests that an assessment of sexual problems and extensive sex history must be conducted in the initial session to understand what is happening with each partner; to identify patterns of their feelings, bodily sensations, and thoughts; and to detect any other contributing factors such as their relationship with their family of origin, their upbringing, and cultural backgrounds. Likewise, the therapist must determine the couple’s goal and suggest renegotiation of each partner’s sexual desires and requirements to accommodate each other’s limitation as well as satisfactions.

To eliminate the possibility of any underlying medical conditions or physical contributing factors that may be causing the sexual dysfunction, the couple should be referred for a medical check-up (Glick, Rait, Heru, & Ascher, 2015 pp. 317)

Talking About Sexuality

Since talking about one’s sexuality and sexual issues can be uncomfortable for most people, clients must be provided a safe, unbiased, and trusting environment where they can comfortably discuss their sexual issues without feeling judged or being over-pathologized.

It has been estimated that 50% of American marriages have some sexual problems. These problems can be divided into difficulties (such as inability to agree on frequency), which are clearly dyadic issues, and dysfunctions, which are specific problems with desire, arousal, and orgasm. Dysfunctions may be organic or psychological or a combination of both and may be lifelong or acquired, generalized or situational. They may be deeply embedded in relational power or intimacy struggles or may be the only problem in an otherwise well-functioning relationship. (Glick, Rait, Heru, & Ascher, 2015 pp. 311)

Treating Mismatched Sexual Desires

To treat mismatched sexual desires, a gradual introduction to intimacy without the actual intercourse to eliminate performance anxiety is suggested. As the daily grind can take a toll on anyone, it can get difficult for most couples to find time for any sexual activities, it may take effort for both partners to get in the mood at the same time. Therefore, following a schedule for sexual activities can eliminate the couple’s desire discrepancy. It is a good practice to enable couples to identify each other’s love language, build bridges to intimacy during the week to create a loving environment for each partner using their appropriate love language and satisfying their needs. This will increase desire, passion, and connection between the partners. Subsequently, as the scheduled time approaches the couple blissfully anticipate the intimate event to occur.

Meditation can help the couple become more mindful of each other’s wishes and desires. Through mindfulness, they are more capable to connect, get in touch, and become close. Their closeness will allow the couple to comfortably explore sexuality together.

Reference

Montgomery, K. A. (2008). Sexual Desire Disorders. Psychiatry (Edgmont), 5(6), 50–55. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2695750/

Glick, I. D., Rait, D. S., Heru, A. M., & Ascher, M. (2015). Couples and family therapy in clinical practice. Retrieved from https://ebookcentral.proquest.com